Screwtape Leaks

The following conversation was retrieved from the encrypted text message between Screwytape (Head Demon) and Wormywood (Newbie Recruit) last March 7, 2016 at 3:00 AM HDT (Hades Standard Time):

Screwytape: You need to understand how your mission in the next hour determines the residual outcome of your initiation, right?
Wormywood: Absolutely Boss! Tony and May are prime enemies for years now. Their witness is insane. We almost had them to ourselves until that stupid Valentines Banquet when in a moment of weakness, the hunk junked all our seductions. I know it, Boss. Both need to be shelved. The highways of Dallas are running at speeds of 81 mph on average. The projections are ready: an oversized truck will hit his car with impunity. They will not stand any chance of luck, promise.
Screwytape: The damage they have been causing our movement is off the charts. The man works overtime for righteousness and she, despite all ailments we caused, stands upright with incredible beauty. May has to die today ... Do you understand this?
Wormywood: I have to go. The mess is scheduled to happen in a few minutes, Watch it on the monitor, Boss. This is my gift for our kingdom anniversary!

BREAKING NEWS: A white BMW is wrecked by a wayward truck which spun and turn-turtled twice. In what seemed like a sure fatal hit, both driver and passenger escaped unscathed. The driver of the big monster was spotted fleeing on foot. Police caught up with the culprit. The couple are both in the ER recuperating from whiplash.

Screwytape: You realize, you stupid neophyte what this will cost you, right?
Wormywood: Boss, I don't know what to say. The winged creatures intercepted our sharp daggers. They are too swift and strong. You know, we have no weapons against their invisible support. It happens all the time ... give me another chance please?
Screwytape: You are asking for another chance? Do you realize what just happened? They just registered their gratitude towards their Protector and a major crash in our stocks just demoralized half of my kingdom. If it were not for your mother, I would have chopped your head right now. Get out of my sight!

BREAKING NEWS (Heaven's Morning Version)

Michael Angel: My Lord, mission accomplished! Only their chariot got wrinkled. Both your precious agents are safe. I recommend an immediate flush of energy and logistical provision.
Holy Boss: I saw your timely intervention, my faithful assistant. Be sure to hold their hearts and sling their minds to Level One. Bless them with our full support. Stir their family to rally with deep affections. The Kingdom remains in its advance, as scheduled. Good work today, troops!